Over the last month I’ve had too much coffee, tried my first tamale, partnered with IJM, I’ve brainstormed more than I ever thought I could, I crafted a curriculum for a “Yoga basics” workshop, co-led a instagram challenge, I’ve bought far too many vinegar bottles and haven’t read enough books.
Such is the life of this yoga instructor. Part of me feels like people expect a yoga instructors to do list to mirror Gandhi’s. It doesn’t. My to do list is very basic, wake up, coffee, green shake, grab 3 changes of clothes and go to the studio. On a day where I don’t have morning classes it reads wake up… instagram coma, feel insufficient that you cannot hollowback check mail, think about reading a book then realize you are halfway through three of them but the one you need you’ve lent to someone else… decide to meditate..change mind 40 seconds later when you get bored, do this 3 times..find chocolate, eat it.
I wish I had a solid to do list every day and a tangible goal that I could move towards, right now my mind is so filled it can’t decide what it needs to do first… so I’m doing this instead and hoping lightning will strike and something will become clear.
I love big goals, where I falter is in the details, maybe that’s why I’ve crafted so many detail oriented yoga classes this last month because I know what I need and what my life is craving, details.
I feel like the summer will be very busy for me, I’ve got some plans lined up so for now I’ll linger in the in-between and enjoy the moments to chill. Life seems to come it waves, no? I’m pretty sure this happened to me same time last year, where it took me the first third of the year to figure out my goals for the year and the the next thing I knew it was the end of summer and I had- thankfully- hit most of my goals, the important ones I accomplished which I’m proud of myself for. I’d like to look back a year from now and be proud of myself again, to know that I accomplished that which I set out to do and even more! I guess that means I’d better get to setting those goals.
Sometimes I am afraid to talk about my goals, because what if I don’t hit them, them everybody will know and I’ll look like a failure… and nobody likes that… but if I am to live that way I may as well keep my mouth shut for the rest of my life. Living out loud is hard, I am currently struggling with how to tell my story. Everyone has a story, I think mine is worth telling but it’s how to tell it that I am working on, I don’t want to blurt it out and see how people take it, I want to tell it with a purpose a meaning behind it, some sort of lesson or goal. It’s okay that I haven’t figured it out yet, I’m sure as I keep thinking on it it’ll become a little clearer. One day at a time is all I ever get to live so that’s how I will tackle these issues… my story, my goals, my hollow-back practice…One day at a time.
Hopefully I will update before the end of the summer. I will update before the end of the summer, because now it’s one of my goals :) It’s okay to falter, it’s okay to feel confused, it’s okay to linger in the in-between as long as you learn something from it. I have not yet learned anything this morning, aside from the fact that the book I need to read is not here and chocolate in a gluten-free french bun thrown in the microwave is delicious!
Perhaps I should go back to my 40 second meditation practice…